Madhavi Ammal, Saranagathi

"There's No Use of having Devotion, Respect, Love for Me Alone Without Having It for Others As Well"
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In 1944, I stayed in the Ashram for one week. One Monday at lunch time I heard the attendant telling Bhagavan, "Tonight we are all having puri". (a dish deep fried from wheat flour) 
Bhagavan said calmly, 
"Okay, but there should only be rice on my leaf ".

We all sat for dinner at 7.30pm. I sat next to Bhagavan. There's a rule in the ashram. Bhagavan should be served only after all are served. That day Bhagavan was uncommonly serious. After serving everyone the server came to Bhagavan. 
Bhagavan said in a loud voice 
"put rice". 

The server was standing there trembling. Chinnaswamy was standing far away with a pained countenance.
"Doesn't Bhagavan eat puri?", I asked.
"Um, the doctor said wheat is not good for this body", he said. 

"Doctor Nambiar used to say that wheat is good for Bhagavan's body", I added. 
"Which doctor said this?"
Sri Bhagavan said with sorrow, 
"Hear this, one day last year they made puri. They served lots of puri for everyone. In this person's leaf alone there was rice. I quietly ate that and went. Then I wondered, so much was given to so many people. Why was it not possible that there was not sufficient to give to one more person? When I enquired, I came to know that one sack of wheat flour had gone bad. That bad flour was given to all the people except this one (me). Could it not have been given to the cows? From that day I decided not to eat puri again."
Saying this Bhagavan became very sad. 

The server was standing like a statue. It seemed to me that the Sarvadhikari was praying deep in his heart for Bhagavan's forgiveness.
I said, "Was that not done because of devotion, love and respect for Bhagavan?" 
Bhagavan sat up straight and looked at me. "Yes. Yes. There's no use of having devotion, love and respect for this person alone without having it for others as well", Bhagavan said. 
 
"O Bhagavan! You suffered because so many people were given bad food. Today puri is cooked in ghee (clarified butter) and if Bhagavan will not eat it, how much we will suffer eating it without Bhagavan?" 
"Oh, okay, serve then! 
Ammal is recommending puri for all", said Bhagavan. 

With that the server put puri on Bhagavan's leaf. Thus the puri which had been renounced by Bhagavan for an entire year was released that day and all ate happily. 
Greatly relieved, Chinnaswami went away smiling. 

- Madhavi Ammal, Saranagathi

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